THE DIARY OF SICK MAN..

When night falls, the bird come home with their tiredness. But there is sick man who keep suffering from his illness. He touch his abdomen and keep muttering the quran verses, hope the verses could calm his illness. He keeps doing that, and merely his illness reducing a little bit. While keeping withstand with all those sickness, he stares at the ceiling, wishing a fairy pop out from them and will erase his pain with one flick of the wand. He keeps staring the ceiling, and then, one by one the face of people he love the most come in his minds. He cried without sound, his eyes teary without any command. He closes his eyes so that the face can comes once again, clearly, vividly and boldly. He keeps close his eyes. In a very phase of time. The first glimpse of the face is the girl he love the most in the world. He falls in love at the first sight with her. He meets her somewhere, he doesn’t remember where, and voila! since then those girl’s face decorate his minds all the time. Like glue. Like ghost. Like angels. Eleven second passed by, he talk to himself: “ohhh god, when you take my life today, this evening, please tell her, the girl whom i love, that i love her sincerely, from the deepest of my heart, from the bottom of my heart. She was catching fire within my heart”. A pause. Second face appeared, his mother face comes really beautifully. He cries again and again, he still remember the promise that he needs to fulfill, he wants to make his mother happy, he wants to see his mother face full of laughter, he wants his mother can see his son or daughter. But it seems, those thought could not be fulfilled. He is now in a foreign land. He can not tell his mother that he is severely sick, he can not say bad thing about himself. He wants that his mother just knowing his son always happy in a foreign land, though he is still young. He has alot of those heavy thought. He is sad when he remember the old woman become beggar in the corner of street, old women who become war victim who lose her face, her husband, her son and religion rule trapped her begging for a bite of bread in the middle of hot dessert in Afghanistan. Remembering those story of poor women, the man promise to himself that he will keep his mother in peace, happy and prosperous. Another pause. He sees his sisters and brothers, he remembers how he ate oranges and divided it into five, one for him, two for his sisters and his brothers. He could remember how they laugh together in the bench in front of the house. How they eat everything together, in the sadness and happiness. How they desperated when their father leave them forever and maybe in a couple minute, he will join his father in the heaven. He finally could take care of his father. Actually, he was so sad when he could not escort his father to the samatary, he felt he is bad son. He hit himself for eleven days, crying like crazy, doing impulsive things that he could not imagine. And now is the time he redeems all his wrongness. He felt wrong, though many people said that what he did not wrong, he just unfortunate could not escort his father. But, his regretness rooted in his heart, painful and poignant. Pause. He sees his best friend, Kenthir. He already befriended with him for about six or seven years. He met him in the university. He is a junior in english department. He is smart and digest everything he read. All girls admires him. He guessed if there is no Kenthir in his life. His life would totally plain. Pause. The pain come again, like a strike of a bowling ball. This pain gets sick and sick. His breath slowly getting fast, his vision slowly getting blurred. He tries to straight his minds, but its impossible. Sick man never gets his mind straighten. He holds his blanket, try to breath normal. But it failed. In a flash, the man saw all the faces he saw before. And at the same time, the sick man finally pass out.. he felt the death already hug him. In fact, the death angel just give him a time out.

Avala.20.6.2013.